Archive for December, 2008

Happy New Year!

h1 Wednesday, December 31st, 2008

New Year Fireworks

Happy New Year, bitches!  Don’t mix wine with hard liquor (or if you do, be sure to vomit only on the people you don’t like) and try not to get arrested because everyone you know will probably be too drunk to come bail your ass out.  We’ll be back in 2009 — most likely with a roundup of more DUIs, unfortunately, because famous people never learn.

Also wishing you a Happy New Year is Kelly Brook’s rack.  These aren’t really higher resolution than the ones from earlier today, but they’re bigger and there are more of them.  There’s also a whole lot more of What’s-His-Face, but he’s not really fug or anything.  If you’re not into dudes, I have perfect faith in your ability to ignore him:

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Kelly BrookKelly BrookKelly BrookKelly BrookKelly Brook

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S.S. Lindsay Lohan on Miami Beach

h1 Wednesday, December 31st, 2008

Lindsay Lohan at Miami Beach

Well, today’s news has been pretty much nothing but people getting arrested and hanging at the beach.  If you had asked me at any point which of these two things Lindsay Lohan would most likely be doing, I’d have probably guessed wrong.  Here she is at Miami Beach with Chloe Sevigny and some other people, and holy crap she’s got a lot of freckles.  She’s kinda like an orange dalmation.  I have no idea where Samantha Ronson was when these pictures were taken.  Maybe she was arm-wrestling a trucker down at the stretch of beach where the weightlifters in mesh tank tops hang out.

Lindsay Lohan at Miami BeachLindsay Lohan at Miami BeachLindsay Lohan at Miami BeachLindsay Lohan at Miami Beach

Lindsay Lohan at Miami BeachLindsay Lohan at Miami BeachLindsay Lohan at Miami Beach

Lindsay Lohan at Miami BeachLindsay Lohan at Miami BeachLindsay Lohan at Miami BeachLindsay Lohan at Miami BeachLindsay Lohan at Miami Beach

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h1 Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
Merry Listmas!In less than 12 hours, we as a collective planet (or at the very least, time zone), will be ringing in 2009, the very last year of our existences where we'll have to say "oh-#" to describe the times we are living in. As such, would like to take the remainder of the week to bring your our top picks of 2008 (a novel idea if there ever was one.) Michelle's Top 10 (Or "10 Songs You Hate to Love")* (*Note: Nearly all of the songs on my list prove that I have the same taste in music as a middle schooler. Know that I am aware of this illness. For more musically mature picks, please see Dan and Sara's choices ahead. And now, in no particular order:) 2008 Sam Sparro.JPG10. "Black & Gold" by Sam Sparro. I first heard this song on an overseas jaunt (as I am wont to do), and realized my second order of business upon returning to the States (after delousing myself) was to immediately download it. It's a catchy combination of electropop meets soul, and Sparro's bluesy relaxed drone means this is a song that will work both on the dancefloor or at your local overpriced eatery (where I recently heard it.) Why it never took off in America is beyond me! 9. "Call Up The Homies" by Ludacris feat. The Game and Willy Northpole. Not to be confused with the 1998 classic melody from Clueless "Rollin With The Homies", this Ludacris song combines three things I love: A gospelly sample track; the threat of constant violence on the streets; and the inimitable Willy Northpole. As a single lady in the big city, this is the song I play in my head on late night walks home. I DARE SOMEONE TO START SH*T. Because I've got my homies on speeddial. And by homies, I mean women and men of equal physical inadequacy as myself. Krav Maga in 09, yo. My life depends on it. 2008 ESTELLE.JPG8. "American Boy" by Estelle feat. Kanye West. Great beat, great melody, easy to dance to, especially drunk. It makes you appreciate everything about American Boys, save the baggy jeans. On the plus side, they apparently are amazing travel guides. This song also taught me that men who own peacoats = ballers. 7. "Handlebars" by Flobots. It's addictive. It's hypnotic. The video is accurately creepy. They sound like Cake. Cake reminds me of the 90s. And that's all you need to know. 6. "When I Grow Up" by The Pussycat Dolls . I don't have any daughters, but if I DID, I'd play this song in the house non-stop, preferably before auditions. The lesson? If you try hard enough, and you study in school, and you care about your appearance, and you learn to get really good at sex, and you meet a man who can suck the fat out the bad and pump the plastic into the good, you too can grow up to be a Pussycat Doll. Let me also add that I actually do own this song, I really do listen to it, and I make sure to turn the volume down to 3 lest someone hear it coming out of my headphones causing them to assume I'm a baby prostitute. (Note: The same thing can be applied to Danity Kane's "Damaged", coming up a little later on this here list.) 2008 britney s.JPG5. "Wire to Wire" by Razorlight. A great song no matter what -- full of the kind of passion that makes you want to pull your hair out -- but what pushed this song over into Top 20 territory is the use of a neverfail musical tactic known as a "churchy background chorus." Expect to hear it in upcoming movie trailers within months. 4. "Unusual You" by Britney Spears. 2008 is The Year of Britney. She grew her hair out just long enough to rope some extennies into it, got her body back into shape, and came out with a #1 album that isn't half bad. (It's really only just a quarter bad... See "Mmm Papi") The album offers up plenty of numbingly addictive songs ("Circus", "Kill the Lights", "Phonograph", "If U Seek Amy"), but of all these tracks, by far my most played is "Unusual You." It has a dreamy, lullabye quality that lends itself to only one thing: AMAZING REMIXES. Seriously, you better gear up for the end of 2009, when my top 10 songs will all be "Unusual You" remixes. I haven't heard any yet, but I'm already pouring tequila over my flailing head in anticipation. 3. "Hot & Cold" by Katy Perry. LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK. I DON'T CARE THAT THIS SONG IS BEING USED IN A BRIDE WARS TRAILER. I LIKE IT, OK? GAWD. (Note: I'm sure if I listened to the radio more often I'd want to tear the heart out of this song Mortal Kombat style. But seeing as I control my own musical destiny, it's a Top Tenner.) 2008 KANYE W.JPG2. "Boyfriend" by Alphabeat. The only reason I like this song is because it sounds like it should be on the soundtrack to the underrated 1989 classic film Teen Witch. And because I want to be the most popular girl, I listen to it constantly. Top that! 1. "Amazing" by Kanye West feat. Jeezy. My favorite track off of one of my favorite albums of the year. Addicted to an almost annoying degree. Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night with the hook of a song playing over and over and over again in your head? This is usually the song I'm singing. In a way, that makes me hate it. Hate it so much it's my favorite song of the year. Kanye -- you might be an idiot, you might now know how to sing a tune, but dammit, I love ya.

Dan Hopper's Top 5 Songs of 2008 Jukebox the Ghost5. "El Azteca" by Man Man This 2-minute pseudo-instrumental from Philly-based indie jazz(ish) quintet Man Man is ridiculously catchy and ridiculously ridiculous and will be the first track on my 2008 celebrity iTunes mix the minute I become famous enough for my opinion on such affairs to suddenly matter. Maybe I'll try to save someone's life in the subway tomorrow. 4. "Victoria" by Jukebox The Ghost I don't know why more modern bands don't feature pianos -- perhaps because of some electric-car like conspiracy executed behind the scenes by greedy, influential guitar companies, perhaps because pianos are bulky and difficult to tour with (I'm guessing it's the former) -- but Jukebox The Ghost always seem to have more fun and pack more musicianship in their piano-happy ditties than your average five standard pianoless indie groups combined. 3. "You! Me! Dancing!" by Los Campesions! Move over, Panic! At The Disco, !!!, and NEU! -- this group of Welsh seven-year-olds may be the most deserving-of-exclamation-points exclamation point band yet! Additional Fun Fact about the song "You! Me! Dancing!": The line "If there's one thing I can never confess, it's that I can't dance a single step" is actually an audio sample of me talking to my high school drama teacher after I was cast as the lead dancer in Kiss Me, Kate. I receive royalties whenever someone downloads this song. 2. "Time To Pretend" by MGMT Never has the dream life of shooting heroin, star-f*cking and dying young been put so eloquently or as naively believably as in this weirdly optimistic youth-anthem. Unless you count the secret backwards messages on Miley Cyrus records. REM Accelerate1. "Living Well Is The Best Revenge" by R.E.M. My lazy writer instinct wants me to type something sh*tty like "R.E.M. truly goes back to their roots on this rocker..." but to be completely honest, I don't think I've ever been stuck on an R.E.M. song quite like this one. I never went through Murmur or Automatic For The People phases in college (opting to skip straight from Pink Floyd to 70s punk), I never felt compelled to listen to "Losing My Religion" beyond its 10-plays-per-day MTV quota, and yet, here's this three-minute song in 2008 aggregating every positive trait from a legendary 28-year-old group and receiving near-daily iPod plays during my subway commute. Perhaps...this continued relevance and adaptability exhibited by R.E.M. is the mark of a truly great band after all? Oop, crap -- that lazy writer instinct ended up kicking in after all.

Sara Schaefer's Top 5 Songs Of 2008 2gxmh60.jpg5. "Hometown Glory" by Adele. I know I have a personal affinity for the music of Adele, but this song is truly great in its soulful and melancholic tribute to what could be anybody's hometown. She makes an excellent point about what makes one's home so great: "The people I've met / are the wonders of my world." I think that every day while riding the subway. 4. "Damaged" by Danity Kane. Do do do you got a first aid kit handy? Do do you know how to patch up a wound? Tell me, are are are are you are you patient understanding... LAAAADIES! THIS IS OUR JAM! And you know it. I DARE YOU to listen to this and not get it stuck in your head while you're walking down the street, and suddenly you realize you are STRUH-UTTIN' your stuff. Aubrey may have been kicked out but that doesn't mean we still can't appreciate the whorey goodness of a Danity Kane tune for years to come. 3. "Lover's Day" by TV On The Radio. Hands down, this is the best song about wild, all-day love-making. Ever. fleetfoxes.jpg2. "Mrs. Officer" by Lil Wayne. Weeyooweeyoowee, weeyooweeyoowee!!! I've spoken at length previously as to why I love this song so much, but at the end of the day, the weeyoo's alone are enough for me. 1. "Blue Ridge Mountains" by Fleet Foxes. Fleet Foxes have topped many critics' lists this year, but as a life-long closet fan of Crosby Stills & Nash, how could I not love this band's sound? Plus, having spent many summers in the Blue Ridge Mountains, this song speaks to my inner hipster/hillbilly. Tell us your top songs of 2008 in the comments!!

Quickies: Scourge of Man

h1 Wednesday, December 31st, 2008

Jonas Brothers

The Jonas Brothers strike fear in the hearts of adults everywhere, even the cops. (Jossip)

New Year’s Eve canceled in Dubai. (Evil Beet)

Mariah Carey is not pregnant with a mathematically-disabled spawn. (WIMB)

Australia hates Paris Hilton just as much as every other country. (Cele|bitchy)

Beyoncé in a bikini. (The Blemish)

Solange is also in a bikini. (The Grumpiest)

Lisa Rinna is in a bikini, too. (WWTDD)

David Beckham got a new tattoo. (ASL)

Kristen Bell swallows on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson. (Popoholic)

Joaquin Phoenix is a hot mess. (IDLYITW)

Stephanie Seymour is still at the beach. (Egotastic)

Giorgio Armani is old, orange, and in a Speedo. (Celebslam)

The Top 10 Celebrities That Look Like Hookers. (Celebrity Odor)

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