Archive for July, 2008

?OF THE DAY: Silly Meter Maid, Celebrities Don?t Have To Follow Parking Rules!

h1 Thursday, July 31st, 2008
  • PARKING TICKETS ARE FOR PEASANTS: Hayden Panettiere bought a futon today and got a parking ticket after returning to her vehicle. Sadly, there was no Parking Wars style temper tantrum. (I'm Not Obsessed)
  • IT BEGAN AT AN EARLY AGE: A vintage video of Shia LaBeouf learning to drive before he even has a license has now been rendered ironic. I'm kind of amazed at how cursey this kid was at such a young age. (Urlesque)
  • HI, MY NAME IS JESSICA SIMPSON...I LIVE ON THE SECOND FLOOR: Jessica Simpson told Elle that she was abused and sings about it on her upcoming country album: "It doesn't matter how he hurts you / With his hands or with his words / You don't deserve it / It ain't worth it / Take your heart and run." She forgot a line: "So please buy my record / Because everyone is saying it's wretched." (Socialite Life)
  • IPOW! Holy Taco continues their "If I Had A Comic Book" series with a funny imagining of what a comic starring Steve Jobs would look like.
  • CAN'T KEEP A GOOD BIKINI DOWN: Mischa Barton was seen again chilling out in a bikini, and this time, her boob made a run for it. (AOL News)


h1 Thursday, July 31st, 2008
This week, MCC debates who's more stoned -- Harold and Kumar escaping from White Castle or Martin Scorsese on the set of Shine A Light, the Rolling Stones concert film. Let's not rule out the cinematographer for the film 21...


h1 Thursday, July 31st, 2008
Looking for the perfect gift for the alcoholic in your life who has everything? Might we recommend one of the greatest inventions of the new Millenium: The Cell Phone Flask.
CELL PHONE FLASK.jpg is selling these delicious little suckers for a steal at $13.95. Think about it... now you can take alcohol everywhere you go (except for movie screenings). And check out these reviews!!
5.0 out of 5 stars Love my cell phone, August 14, 2007 A friend gave me my cell phone flask last year and I love it! I have Captain Morgan on speed dial. I don't go out that much to bars but when I do, I really don't want to pay the exorbitant prices for liquor. So I order a soda and make a phone call to the captain, and I'm good to go!
5.0 out of 5 stars Great for the stealth drinker or someone who appreciates mixing alcohol with humor.
And the final review, written by someone most definitely drunk...
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent flask, July 17, 2008 By Caonabo Javier Peguero "Long live and prosper" (Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic) This is a great product, because no body will know you are wearing an lask, and when they do, it;s a hit. Every body wants one.
BRB, I've got Zima on line life of the party.

Bill S. Preston, Esquire, Screenwriter

h1 Thursday, July 31st, 2008
Bill SHoward Stern is planning on producing a remake of the 1979 film Rock n' Roll High School, to be scripted by none other than teenage vampire and princess-rescuer extraordinaire, Alex "Bill" Winter:
Alex Winter, best known for playing alongside Keanu Reeves in "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure," has been hired to script it. "I've now done so much stuff in musicvideos, and the Napster movie, that the chance to bridge music and comedy was something that intrigued me," Winter said. "This movie seemed so ripe for a remake."
He added, "You medieval dickweed!" In addition to the obvious "getting mentioned by Dan Hopper" bump that comes with involving Alex Winter in your project, Stern may have seen something in Winter's illustrious writing resume, including the time-may-reveal-it-to-be-a-cult-classic Fever nine years ago. Winter is also something of a double threat, having been involved in not one but TWO soundtracks:
No word yet on whether or not the plot of the remake will involve high school kids traveling back in time to work on their final project for a history class that covers all periods of history on every continent, or if it'll just be high school kids trying to sneak out of school to go to a Marky Ramone concert.

SYTYCD: Cat ?What?s The? Deeley, Yo?

h1 Thursday, July 31st, 2008
web704.jpgHave you ever had something really great happen to you, and immediately, among all the feelings of joy and overwhelming happiness, you start getting sad because you know it's going to be over soon? I'm sure there's some sort of psychological term for this, but for now I'll call it Final Six Syndrome (FSS). Last night's So You Think You Can Dance gave me a serious case of FSS. The performances were great, the talent is as good as I've ever seen it on this show, and I honestly was about to start crying, knowing that somebody would have to go home tonight. Aside from my emotional instability, however, there were so many great moments on last night's show. Where do I begin? BEST SOLVING OF RACISM: Twitch added some extra punch to his solo dance, donning some fake gold teeth and gold glasses, and afterwards, host Cat Deeley put on the glasses and then told Twitch to hand over the teeth. What followed was a round of "FOUR REAL" symbols by the judges and Cat. web709.jpgBEST PERSON WHO THOUGHT SHE WAS AT AN AMERICAN IDOL TAPING: After Joshua and Katee's first routine, guest judge Adam Shankman started telling the audience about how, many years earlier, a little-known choreographer gave him his start in dancing - and that she was here tonight: Paula Abdul! SYTYCD-PREFERRED LOVE-MAKING POSITION: There were minimum two dances last night that included a full on endorsement for doin' it doggy style. Joshua took Katee from behind at exactly the right moment during "All By Myself" (see description below), and Mark bent Courtney over during their second dance. Tonight's episode was just one hour, and felt very no-nonsense in its pace, now that they don't have to provide all sorts of filler to stretch it to two hours. Mary Murphy wore that same shirt from earlier in the season that looks like her head just pushed through a pane of breakaway glass (see picture at the bottom). Read about each dance, after the jump! web701.jpgROUND 1 MARK & COURTNEY Mark and Courtney's first dance is the Viennese Waltz. They dance to The Time Of My Life by American Idol winner, David Cook, and this dance just really had that "I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH LOVE, ALL OVER AGAIN!" feeling to it. I'm not going to lie - my heart soared. Adam said that Mark performed the waltz better than any guy this season. His only critique was that the last lift felt a little like a throwaway. Mary said it felt effortless, and that Mark is growing every single week. Nigel thinks the two as a couple really have the "wow factor," and that it was beautifully romantic. web703.jpgCHELSEA & TWITCH'S SOLOS Chelsea did her sexy solo-ballroom-dancing thing to The Pussycat Dolls song "When I Grow Up" and did some splits at the end which were pretty amazing. Twitch performed to "Midas Touch" by Midnight Star, and added in some comedic moves with some gold teef and gold wire-rimmed glasses. I feel with the solos at this point, it's actually wise to do something memorable like this. Buuuuut....that didn't really work for Will last week, so let's just admit right here that I have no idea what I'm talking about. web706.jpgJOSHUA & KATEE Yay, Joshua and Katee are back together again! First, they are dancing a contemporary piece choreographed by Tyce DiOrio, with a Romeo and Juliet theme to it. The song is Celine Dion's "All By Myself," and the routine is nothing short of BRILLIANT. And just at that moment when Celine sings "and making love was just for fun," Joshua is holding Katee as if he's about to ride her doggy-style, which as we all know - is JUST FOR FUN! At one point in the dance, Joshua leaps into the air with such height and grace that I can't imagine anyone woman not letting him ride it, you know what I mean?? Ahem. Then, he catches Katee mid-air doing the splits. DRAMATIC! I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH FALLING IN LOVE WITH LOVE ALL OVER AGAIN! Adam first introduces Paula Abdul, and then says that Joshua and Katee are two of the most exciting dancers to have ever graced this stage, and that with Tyce as their choreographer, they make a "holy trinity of So You Think You Can Dance." Mary of course loved it as well, and said it was one of the most beautiful things she's ever seen on the show. The judges then gave the couple a standing ovation and Mary a very enthusiastic WOOOOHOOOO! Nigel then introduced another old woman choreographer named Gillian Lynne, who is responsible for the dancing in Phantom Of The Opera and Cats. web708.jpgCHELSEA & TWITCH This couple starts with the Mambo, and during the pre-taped segment, Twitch laughs about how Chelsea's face got stuck in the crotch of his pants. There is just so much underlying sexuality in this show, am I right? Chelsea looks AMAZING in a red, ruffly, backless outfit, and her dancing is perfect. Twitch looks funny in the tight pants and heeled shoes, and he definitely looks like he's concentrating. After the performance, Cat notes that Chelsea's hips move "faster than lightning." Adam says she's on FIRE and was an animal out there burning up the floor. Twitch wasn't quite animal enough, but he still held his own. Mary pointed out that they were doing the mambo "on the two." I have no idea what that means, but apparently it's harder. She was astounded that Twitch was able to pull it off at all, and she said that, when it comes to Latin dancing, nobody can touch Chelsea. Nigel agreed, and felt that her feet were fantastic, and she made the whole routine sparkle. His only criticism for Twitch was that he showed us in his face when he was struggling with the steps. KATEE AND JOSHUA'S SOLOS There wasn't much to note here with either dancer. Katee danced to an annoying Maroon 5 song, and Joshua showed us his powerhouse strength, leaping through the air and doing splits in the air that seemed to defy gravity. web712.jpgROUND 2 COURTNEY & MARK For their second dance, Courtney and Mark worked with Sonya on a jazz routine. It was lusty and meant to embody "old French burlesque." Mark amped up his scary-sexy quality with this dance, especially when he bent Courtney over and stared into the camera with an evil glint in his eye. I couldn't decide if I should shudder in terror or in ecstasy. Courtney looked very hot in an outfit that really looked like it came from an old timey photo shoot at an amusement park. Adam said that he was so glad that he has nothing to do with the voting, because THAT WAS SICK! And perhaps revealed that the routine had given him a boner when he said he "loved that so HARD." Mary said that it was the weirdest fight scene she had ever seen in her life, and that SHE LOVED IT! Nigel noted that this was so VERY Sonya, and that the dance really suited Mark's style. Courtney just manages to make everything work, and they both danced with so much charisma. web716.jpgKATEE & JOSHUA Yes, yes. YES! They are doing the Paso Doble, the bull fighty dance that makes one's heart burn with desire. This was by far my favorite routine of the night. Katee is wearing nothing but some bandages, and Joshua is totally topless with a glittery cummerbund. Their faces were amazing, and the dance was hot. The closing pose was incredible: Katee jumped into Joshua's arms and they froze in a suspended embrace. THEN, Joshua DRAGGED Katee across the stage towards the judges. GENIUS. If the objectification of women in Paso Doble is wrong...I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT. Anyway, I really think Joshua might win this thing!!! Adam said he couldn't wait for them to see it on TV, they would be really proud of themselves. Mary gave her biggest WOOOOOOOOOOOOO of the night, causing Nigel's eyes to pop out of his head. He thinks it was an absolutely fabulous routine and complimented their tight footwork. He told Joshua that if he keeps dancing like this, he's going to steal the show. Mary screams and stands up in response to that. They just love them some Joshua! COURTNEY & MARK'S SOLOS Courtney danced emotionally to Elisa's "Rock Your Soul", and Mark did a cool move when he took of his shirt. And I'm not just saying that because I'm weirdly attracted to him. It was cool. web723.jpgTWITCH & CHELSEA The final dance of the evening is a smooth hip-hop choreographed by Tabitha & Napoleon. The song is a symphony-style cover of Janet Jackson's "Control." Chelsea and Twitch are wearing orchestra conductor outfits with a hip-hop twist, and the basic narrative is that they are both fighting to gain control of this imaginary symphony, by fighting over a green stick. The stick kind of reminds me of the green nuclear "stick" that Homer Simpson almost drops, so I was half-worried that if Chelsea and Twitch were too rough with it, they might set off an explosion. Adam loves the wit, intelligence, and humor that Tabitha & Napoleon bring to their routines, and of course loved both Twitch and Chelsea. Though I did feel like Adam was almost giving Chelsea a goodbye speech in the way he was talking to her. Hmmm. Mary felt Twitch was totally in his element, and that Chelsea kept up with Twitch, especially considering that we're not supposed to believe her in this style. She pulled it off. Nigel made a very wise statement when he said "You can watch this show even if you don't give a damn about dancing." Nigel seems to forget that I don't give a damn about ANYTHING, which is why I'm watching this show. Anyway, he continues on to say that any of the remaining six could be in the top 4 - they all belong there. PREDICTION THAT BREAKS MY HEART TO EVEN CONSIDER FOR A SECOND: I don't really know at this point, but it might be Chelsea and Twitch? I can't. I don't want to think about it! MORE PICTURES!

The Video Game Primal Rage Is Coming To The History Channel Next Week

h1 Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008
When I first saw the subway ads for the History Channel's new show Jurassic Fight Club, the mass of useless memories I call my brain immediately imagined a tv show version of the classic existed video game Primal Rage (either that, or the History Channel was airing a forced, non-topical movie mashup). As a quick refresher, here's what the game Primal Rage -- basically a Street Fighter 2 / Mortal Kombat clone with dinosaurs instead of people and with complete unplayability instead of fun -- looked like:
Primal Rage cap
I proceeded to the Jurassic Fight Club website to dive deeper into this theory, and there discovered the Jurassic Fight Club "Turf Wars" game, which looks uhhhh little something... like this:
History Channel Game
Long story short, a fighting game from 1994 in which digital dinosaurs and apes battle one another in jerky, inconvenient motions in an effort to blow up each others' hearts or brains is going to air on the History Channel next week. Also, if the Primal Rage people didn't have a hand in developing the "Turf Wars" game on the History Channel's website, then they've got every right to sue the History Channel for every penny they make off this thing (nine). I can't wait til this Fall when the History Channel begins airing Hologram Battle Society, loosely based on the arcade console Holosseum. (Incidentally, while searching for Primal Rage screenshots, I came across these really funny caps from the Game Gear version. Fortunately, you only had to see them for like twelve minutes before the battery kicked.)