Archive for April, 2008

Given The Nominated Shows, Can You Guess These Daytime Emmy Categories?

h1 Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
Daytime EmmyCategory #1: "Back at the Barnyard" (Nickelodeon) "Disney My Friends Tigger and Pooh" (Disney Channel) "Disney's Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" (Disney Channel) "Jakers! the Adventures Of Piggley Winks" (PBS) "The Wonder Pets!" (Nick Jr.) A) BEST SHOW TO WATCH WHILE HIGH B) BEST PROGRAM FOR CHILDREN C) BEST DIRECTING IN AN ANIMATED PROGRAM D) BEST SHOW FOR CHILDREN TO WATCH WHILE HIGH Category #2: "The Price Is Right" (CBS) "Sesame Street" (PBS) "The View" (ABC) A) BEST MAKEUP B) MOST IN-DEPTH POLITICAL DISCOURSE C) BEST USE OF THE NUMBER 4 D) SHOWS DREW CAREY SHOULD NOT BE HOSTING Category #3: "Cause Effect" (MTVU) "Instant Beauty Pageant" (Style) "Made" (MTV) "Samantha Brown: Passport to Latin America" (Travel Channel) "Split Ends" (Style) A) BEST SPECIAL CLASS SERIES B) MOST JUMP CUTS C) BEST USE OF "PHOTOGRAPHY CLICK" TRANSITION D) MOST RACIST Category #4: "81st Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade" (NBC) "America's Invisible Children" (CW) "Legally Blonde: the Musical (MTV) "Walt Disney World Christmas Day Parade" (ABC) "Who's Who Of World Giving" (CW) A) BEST SPECIAL CLASS SPECIAL B) BEST LIVE OR RECORDED SPECIAL ABOUT THINGS AND PEOPLE C) MOST ON TELEVISION D) ANYTHING Category #5: "All My Children" (ABC) "As the World Turns" (CBS) "The Bold And the Beautiful" (CBS) "Guiding Light" (CBS) A) TECHNICAL DIRECTION/ELECTRONIC CAMERA/VIDEO CONTROL FOR A DRAMA SERIES B) MOST IMMORTAL C) ACHIEVEMENT IN STEREOTYPICAL PIANO REGARDLESS OF 20 YEARS OF JOKES MAKING FUN OF IT D) BEST SHOW ON TELEVISION PERIOD PRIMETIME INCLUDED (Answers can be found here. Turns out, they were all 'D'.)

Watch Best Day Ever On Vh1 Tonight At 9pm!

h1 Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
All your favorite Best Week Ever goodness is now available to you in shorter form, every weeknight on Vh1 at 9 and 11pm ET in Best Day Ever! This week BWE favorite and man-about-town Sherrod Small takes you through all the day's best moments. Here's last nights episode, in which we talk more Miley, the Hulkster getting handsy with his daughter, Grand Theft Auto IV and a whole lot more. Check it out and tune in tonight!

You Decide: Christina Ricci?s Umbrella or The Mothership?

h1 Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
You decide: Standard PVC umbrella or the mothership returning to take Christina Ricci back to her home planet, Dietpillorexia.

PIC SLIP: Funny Fish Is Not Silly Putty

h1 Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
  • Is Britney Spears crying for naked attention? Or am I just posting something I found on The Sun's website?
  • This looks like a grand, peaceful place to swim. Now if only I can get someone to fly me up to that remote mountain top. Pool party!
See the rest of today's pics, after the jump!
  • Here we have Tom Cruise taking Oprah on the ride of her life. Unfortunately, that ride led to Tom and fellow sci-fi spiritual seekers tying up and gagging Oprah while forcing her to take a dianetics "stress test."
  • Ahahahaha. You cannot tell me this fish doesn't make you smile. And if you can tell me that. I will call you a liar.
  • Giselle has a new sandal line out [if you have yet to design your shoe line, you better start now]. And she is sooooo excited about it. She had an aneurysm and died. Kidding. She's still alive.
  • How could I go an entire day without once mentioning the biggest wedding event of the year?! I'm, of course, talking about the Gossip Girl wedding. It's like 80s soaps all over again. Just with kids. In dresses that cost thousands of dollars.
  • And finally, this is for all those people who think summer is coming, or whatever. Your run of the mill Ice Mountain. And no, I have no idea where this is.

While You Were Wondering When Mariah Carey Turned Orange

h1 Wednesday, April 16th, 2008
  • Pope Benedict XVI has arrived in the U.S. for the first time in his popeing career, and will visit (among other places) a Jewish synagogue on Thursday, marking the first papal visit to a synagogue since Pope Pius' dubious "It's all your fault! Everything!" speech in 1932.
  • Pete Doherty is currently in a prison detox cell, but he may be secretly still shooting heroin, reports everyone in the world who assumes obvious sh*t.
  • U.S. federal prosecutors have recommended a sentence of three years in prison for convicted tax cheat Wesley Snipes. They're hoping that a lengthy sentence would help make Snipes an example to deter others from attempting to rob the Moneytrain.
  • Tiger Woods underwent arthroscopic knee surgery yesterday. He'll be off his feet for at least a few weeks, but doctors expect him to make an improbable, surging comeback on Sunday.
  • Priscilla Presley was voted off "Dancing With The Stars" yesterday, freeing her up for another "Naked Gun" sequel (please?) or possibly a return to "Dancing With The Stars" next season.

Does John McCain Actually Watch ?The Hills,? Or Is He Just Trying To Appeal To A Younger, Douchier Demographic?

h1 Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008
McCain and HeidiWhen John McCain responds to Heidi Montag's endorsement by saying: "I'm honored to have Heidi’s support and I want to assure her that I never miss an episode of 'The Hills,' especially since the new season started," ...which of these explanations should we assume is most plausible? A) McCain is referring to actual, geographical hills, which he always makes sure to look at, especially in the first few weeks of spring. B) McCain refers to the American Legion as "Heidi," and he confuses "The Hills" with "CSI: Miami," which he believes is actually new episodes of "Hogan's Heroes." C) McCain has been living in an American Beauty-esque rose-filled sexual fantasy ever since he saw those nude pics of Audrina Patridge, and happened to pick up basic knowledge of "The Hills'" existence along the way. D) April Fool's jokes are more effective on April 2nd. Any other explanations? Leave them in the comments.