Archive for July, 2007

IN ODDER NEWS: Astronaut Thongs Are The New Astronaut Diapers

h1 Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
  • It's about time someone finally got around to figuring out how our astronauts can look hot and sexy in space. That way they won't have to get so drunk to have crazy affairs that end in wearing diapers and trying to kidnap each other.
  • If there is really such a thing as Vegansexuals, I suppose next we'll have to prepare ourselves for Carnivorapists?
  • Someone stole the identity of a prize-winning poodle. After an intense investigation by McGruff the crime dog, the culprits turned out to be teenage kids who had been peer-pressured into smoking pot, then subsequently thought it would be hilarious to steal a poodle's identity.
  • Today's sad breast cancer annoucement might have put a little damper on Robin Roberts' "Good Morning" to America.
  • Then again, maybe I shouldn't be pointing any fingers.
(pic via MIT News)

UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK: A Steamy Image of Joan Rivers That Will Last Forever

h1 Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
When Joan Rivers guest-hosting on "The View" this morning, you can count on her to say something a little racy and maybe get some carefree giggles from the lightheated "View" audience. Instead, this morning, she provided us with a mental image that would give our nightmares nightmares and our erotic dreams sooper-dooper nightmares. Am I being too dramatic? Decide for yourself:

WHAT WOULD JAY SAY: In Wake Of Lindsay?s Arrest, Jay Brings Us Her Toxicomedy Report

h1 Wednesday, July 25th, 2007
Yesterday we celebrated Lindsay Lohan's Big DUI of the Month with another round of our beloved monologue guessing game, What Would Jay Say? As always, the reality of Jay's genius completely outshone any hacky jokes your humble editors were able to devise, and our minds were utterly blown by the bonus video of Rob Schneider and Leno coming together to form a comedic juggernaut of unfathomable hilarity, which you will find after the jump!
Deuce Bigelow No He Didn't!

Why Is Michael Clarke Duncan Naked In Jane Magazine, Holding A Flower?

h1 Wednesday, July 25th, 2007
From YEEEAH! - Or is that Serena Williams? We really can't tell. Find out for yourselves after the jump! Serena Williams Naked


Have you ever lain awake in your bed at night imagining tennis ace Serena Williams naked and clutching an artfully placed bouquet of flowers? No? Well, uh, what about Mike Tyson, then? A minotaur? Asiatic black bear? Michael Clark Duncan? Oh, come off it already. So maybe it’s not flowers covering her asscrack in your fantasy. Maybe it’s a tennis racquet and a feather boa. Or a tranquilizer gun and a strap-on. Whatever. The little details aren’t important. What’s important here is that I’m about to make all your dreams come true, baby, and I’m not even asking for your credit card number.

The entire probably LSFW shot from the last issue of Jane magazine. Remember, it’s still a naked lady with flowers over her crack, in case you work in a church office or something. Pervert.


Who Wants a Moustache Ride?

h1 Monday, July 23rd, 2007


Lindsay Lohan took time out of her strict regiment of “wearing bikinis” and “trying to score Ecstasy” to cavort with this cheese dick last Friday. Deuce Bigalow, male… um, loser fuckface. The only way this jerk-off could appear any more douche-y is if he had plastic tubing for arms and reeked of vaginally-expelled vinegar. Don’t get me wrong — I’m not saying he doesn’t already stink of vinegar. Or of vagina, for that matter. He very well may. The picture doesn’t tell us. However, personal experience has taught me that most men with moustaches have a certain “je ne sais quoi” about them. “Je nais se quoi” of course being French for “I’m a smarmy asshole prick.” Just ask a highway patrolman! They’ll let you know what’s what, fuckers.


ICYMI: Welcome Back, Potter!

h1 Tuesday, July 17th, 2007
Well, with Harry Potter returning to movie theaters and bookshelves this month, a mash-up with 70's sitcom staple Welcome Back, Kotter somehow seems sort of inevitable. But trust us, the intro music alone makes it worth a watch!
(via Have You Seen This?!)